Xi Murong is a renowned contemporary Chinese poet, essayist, and painter. Her works are filled with classic lines that touch the hearts of many readers.
1. At least once in a lifetime, one should forget oneself for someone else. Without seeking a result, without seeking to walk together, without seeking to have once possessed, and even without seeking your love—only seeking to have encountered you during my most beautiful years.
2. Many past events flash before my eyes like a movie, gradually becoming blurred. Those things I once believed in so firmly and pursued so persistently turn out to be nothing at all. Suddenly, I realize how foolish I am, so foolish that I laugh until tears fall. We laugh at our own stupidity, how we keep repeating the same hurts without finding a place to hide from the pain, only to cycle endlessly between disappointment and expectation.
3. I have grown accustomed to waiting, returning inevitably to the starting point of waiting in the cycle of time. I do not know how much longer I must wait for an answer, or how much longer I can endure waiting for a result. Longing is so powerless because it often yields no outcome. Perhaps longing does not need an outcome; its existence is merely proof that someone once truly existed in my heart. If only I could provide longing with a certificate to prove that it once existed.
4. I seem to have become accustomed to waiting, naively believing that happiness would arrive if I only waited. But in that waiting, I missed the happiness that could have been. I regret it when I lose it, wondering why I didn't hold on. In truth, waiting itself might be a futile mistake—knowing that the happiness one waits for may never come, yet still persisting.
5. Sometimes I lose myself in a piece of music, reminiscing about a period of time through its melody. Sitting within the flow of time, I reflect on the patterns of the past. How did I feel listening to this song back then? Did we meet then, or did we miss each other? Or was it just a chance encounter with no end?
6. Walking along, we drifted apart, and memories faded; watching along, I grew weary, and the starlight dimmed; listening along, I woke up and began to complain; looking back, I realized you were gone, and suddenly, my heart fell into chaos.
7. My world is too quiet, so quiet that I can hear my own heartbeat. Wise people like to guess the hearts of others; they might guess correctly, but lose themselves in the process. Fools like to give their hearts; they might be deceived, but they may never truly receive another's. You thought I was invulnerable, and I thought you were immune to everything.
8. Will you suddenly appear at the coffee shop on the street corner? I will greet you with a smile, not speaking of the past, but simply saying, "It's been a long time..."
9. When you say you are not doing well, it hurts me so much that I don't know how to comfort you. When you are drunk, it hurts me so much that my thoughts become chaotic. My words are too pale, yet my heart aches with every word you speak. Too many things go wrong, and I want to leave you, the one who causes me such pain. But turning to another love is too difficult. I only focus on my heartache for you and forget to leave. Time and time again, I have become accustomed to your presence, and accustomed to caring for everything about you.
