I once read a quote from Epicurus: “I set aside everything the goddess has given me—money, rank, power—and keep a generous distance from them, so she may take them away at any time without having to rip them forcibly from me.”
This profoundly moved me, and I adopted it as the central theme of my view on life. I, too, will set aside everything heaven has bestowed upon me—friends, a lover and the accompanying money, social circles, care, and security. I respect and am grateful for these gifts, but I do not wish to depend on them entirely.
In daily life, I still crave captivating physiques, still set conditions to select partners, still pursue vanity and ostentation, and still secretly compare myself to all other women. My financial situation may not afford a designer bag, but my partner might; loneliness in the dark is soothed by a single embrace; I envy those I look up to, perhaps hoping my partner can introduce me to them. As a worldly being living in a worldly world, I pursue these superficial things while maintaining my belief in independence. However, I remain steadfast in one point: keeping a distance from all of these.
When I can afford a Michelin-starred meal, I enjoy it with my eyes closed; when I lose it, I still find the food at a roadside diner quite tasty. When I can afford branded clothing, I capture the beautiful moments; when I lose it, a white shirt and khaki pants remain simple and stylish. When a lover is by my side, we indulge in passion; when lost, I continue doing what I love as a single person. Marriage builds a protective net with love; when lost, my own spiritual world shields me from the elements.
I will view everything heaven grants me in the future as just the cherry on top. When the flower blooms, life becomes more magnificent; when it withers, life returns to its original, pure simplicity. All this self-awareness stems from my thought: fate is unpredictable. If I were to lose these things, I still have my career, my independent personality, my self, and my strong spiritual world as support. My world will not collapse, nor will I be left trembling and anxious.
I do not want to live increasingly empty, losing my self; unable to feel my own thoughts and preferences; having only others in my life; obtaining all my ideas only from fragmented social media or casual chats; existing only because of others, like a small branch clinging to a big tree, desperately sucking nutrients from others to survive. Such a posture is truly ugly and embarrassing. A person without an independent self does not know how to love, and will not be loved.
On the path of exploring life and pursuing independence, these views may have their flaws. But as long as I persist in independent thinking and remain a firm advocate of my own independence, I believe I will not lose my way in my own life.
