It is time to write my weekly journal again. As I picked up my pen, ready to put it to paper, my mind was a blank slate. What should I write? I wonder if my classmates at home feel the same way, perhaps relying on the “copying method.” But regardless, what am I supposed to write?
I had no desire to write anything. Is it because my life in ninth grade has been too monotonous, or simply because I haven't been observing carefully enough? I considered writing a book review, but looking at my full bookshelf, I realized I had already exhausted most of them in previous essays. I thought about writing a fragment essay, but I wasn't keen on it—after all, I had already done that twice. It wasn’t the teacher who was bored, but myself.
Should I just casually pick a topic and write a predictable argumentative essay? Perhaps they might score well in exams, but I felt a growing aversion to my own words, which appeared grand and elaborate on the surface but were actually hollow.
Someone once said: “To move others with your writing, you must first move yourself.” But this rule completely failed for me. In the three years of middle school, I had only managed to write three essays that truly touched me, yet they were worthless in the eyes of graders, scoring only around 35 out of 50. In contrast, the essays that stirred not a ripple in my heart consistently scored 39 or higher.
As I was about to start writing, I could no longer suppress my thoughts. Essays shouldn't be written solely to chase scores; they should be vehicles for expressing one's true self.
In my thick notebook of compositions, Qu Yuan's drowning became a free performance, and Xiang Yu's suicide turned into a recurring classic “act”... They kept climbing out of the river and jumping back in, kept raising their swords and cutting their throats, over and over again. Yet, there were very few instances that could genuinely make me sigh in admiration.
Consequently, I fell in love with the magazine "Innovative Composition." Not for any other reason, but for its motto: “Express true emotions, be your true self.” This is what real composition is about.
Perhaps out of pressure, I will continue to write less authentic, even reluctant, essays during exams. But I will strive to write my true self onto the page.
