Today is the second day since we broke up. I had assumed the pain would be less intense.
She said she was coming to see me today to return the items I had left with her. I didn't know if I should see her again. Perhaps this would be our final meeting in this lifetime. Should I try to repair those memories of her that have already become blurred?
I wandered aimlessly through streets I had long grown tired of, walking and turning ceaselessly, just to give myself a reason not to see her: I was too tired.
My phone had just passed 11:10 when I received a text from her. I knew she was on her way. Panic and helplessness washed over me. I thought of her, but I gave up the chance to see her one last time, and also the perhaps final opportunity to hold on.
She brought me all our shared "memories." I thought I wouldn't feel pain, but when I took the items from the girl's hands, my heart began to ache violently. I held back the pain, but Tears involuntarily streamed down my face.
Perhaps she will never know that I was actually standing not far away, watching her quietly, letting the heartache spread through me.
For some reason, a desire to drink rose in me. Maybe it was because I no longer needed to worry about her, or perhaps because there was a memory of her associated with alcohol. I drank cold beer cup after cup, and the heartache became even worse. The cold liquid instantly turned into scalding tears in my heart, flowing ceaselessly. My breathing became increasingly difficult. Carrying broken dreams, I fell into a quiet sleep. Perhaps only in that moment was my heart free from pain.
In the evening, that girl, perhaps out of concern or sympathy, treated me to a meal. She said we should drink until we were drunk, for one drink could solve a thousand worries. A strange surge of emotion rose in me, yet I could only offer a faint thank you. A real thank you, knowing how much effort you had put in for my sake.
Back in the dormitory, I sat on the bed in a daze, unsure of what I was waiting for. Perhaps I was just waiting for that phone call that would never ring again.
It was like this until 3 AM. I fell asleep in a hazy state, but my dreams were filled with her shadow.
Heartache, silence. Perhaps this is the taste of a breakup.
