Seeing her heartbroken expression, I realized that my actions had hurt her. Since she was in the middle of an emotional episode, trying to reason with her at that moment would not work, so I turned and left the room.
That week happened to be the parent-teacher conference. Kelley's third-grade homeroom teacher was a very experienced veteran. Kelley adored her; even after moving up to fourth grade, Kelley would visit the teacher every morning to say good morning, and they would exchange a big hug before class.
When I met with this teacher, I brought up the issue of Kelley's messy room and her refusal to let me tidy it. The teacher smiled and said, 'My daughter was the same way when she was little. She threw things everywhere and didn't let me into her room. Now she is married. Guess what? Her home is even cleaner and more organized than mine!'
"How did you manage to guide her?" I asked.
The teacher replied, 'I didn't really "educate" her in a traditional sense. I just set some rules: in common areas of the house, such as the living room, sitting room, and kitchen, she was absolutely not allowed to leave things lying around. However, her own bedroom was entirely up to her.'
I was a bit confused: 'If she could do whatever she wanted, wouldn't it get messier and messier? How did it become so tidy?'
The teacher explained, 'A parent's behavior and lifestyle have a much greater impact on a child than preaching or lecturing. As long as your home is generally kept clean and orderly, the child will naturally follow suit. Moreover, a child's room is their own territory. Adults should let them have freedom there; children need a space where they are not disturbed.'
I found the teacher's advice very reasonable. It aligns with the Chinese concept that "leading by example is more important than preaching." If a child comes from a clean and organized family, their hygiene habits are unlikely to be poor.
So, I also established rules with Kelley: common areas of the house must be kept tidy, and she is responsible for her own room. I promised not to touch her things without permission, but I required her to vacuum at least once a week. If she didn't do it, I would. If she didn't want her things to get messy, She needed to pick up the items on the floor herself.
For the next few years, her room remained quite a mess. Sometimes, when discussing whose room was messy, she would ask, 'Is it messier than my room?' It left me speechless; it seemed she was well aware of the state of her own room.
This year, Kelley is about to graduate from middle school. One day, I suddenly noticed that her room was much tidier than before. It turned out that, unbeknownst to me, that chatty little girl had quietly grown up into a young lady.
